On the fly, I can't tell you the last time I was full on committed to someone. I commit all the time; to my students, reinvention, putting myself out there as incriminating or vulnerable as it may be or seem (not sure if you believe me? Check this out and you will see what I mean! http://www.youtube.com/saniehyoga...) but not in this way. It's been a while.

This is Layla and right now, I am celebrating her for stepping into her fear that is my staircase leading up to my office. That and the fact that she has pottied outside a few times now. I'm not sure I have *ever* celebrated anyone's "going potty" ever in life...although I'm soon to be an Aunt...but this moment is my first.

Layla; She who has, in less than 24 hrs, made me laugh, brought more patience into my being, brought me close to tears, made me proud and worried me pretty good a few times over.

She's got special needs; emotional needs. (Don't we all?). She was in a home, maybe a few and for one reason or another, they gave her up so no telling how many places she stepped into with uncertainty. I had to remember this (thank you, Elsa) when she stepped into mine yesterday and 10 min later, unloaded a big, wet poo and wouldn't budge when I tried to get her outside. She didn't associate my home with *her* home and probably wondered who the heck I was and why I was still around after a few days of visitation.

She was pulled from death row the night before she was suppose to be euthinized which was just 3 weeks ago.

*Internal Dialog* "

I wonder if she knows I've saved her life and that of whoever got her former spot last night after I committed to her?"

"Does she love me or will she?"

"It can't matter; not right now. I *have* to love *her*."

I remember getting a dog on impulse when I was married. I remember (shamefully) not listening to the signals he was trying to tell us and not thinking about the obvious (you eat, you eventually have to download it out ("Apana Vayu", Sanieh, come on... You know this)

*Observations as I write*...

"I think she might still have a little upper respiratory? Her nose sounds clogged. Or is that residue from the kennel cough she was just treated for? Still concerned over the pace of her breath."  Worried? Yes.

I realized this may sound dramatic for those parents of human beings but Yesterday, I embraced my inner great mother and today, I *have* to be patient, firm, forgiving, nurturing, teacher, *and* student.

Layla.

She's 10-12 months of nothing but cuddling lap love (she knows not her size). Already a little Buddha. An awakened one. Awakened to nothing but forgiveness, trust and ultimate love and she surrenders herself to my care.

Today, I'm a little less self involved than I was yesterday. I have to think of her needs before my own sometimes now if I want to help her emotionally and get her out of her depression and any anxiety she may have. I have to do what I do and that's to love. I have to love her. And to love her is to go *beyond* providing her basic needs. "She's already starting to trust me, already starting to let me in. All I have to do is love her", I keep reminding myself in my fear, "and I'm *good* at that".

All I have to do is love.
Everything good falls under loving.

To our everyday teachers in life and love,
Sanieh

www.saniehyoga.com
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www.youtube.com/saniehyoga
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(shameless plug: for a list of many events/workshops, private lesson giveaways, yoga and live music offerings and yoga trance dances all starting this coming friday, Oct. 23- Dec... email sanieh@saniehyoga.com and I will send you the most recent newsletter with all the listings! Pre Reg is already open and spots are filling up...so get it get it! )


Apologies for not being a regular as I have been in the past, it's been for good reason though.

I'm finally getting settled into the "second" new home space. I have finally completed the arrangement of my alters (which always seem to change with the tide of my ever changing life...) and getting minor repairs done as well as organizing in the new space of which I am so grateful for having. So grateful.

When I think about where I am, where I have come from, and the many storms that I have had to weather to *arrive*, with all that I AM, I say to you... I AM GRATEFUL.

I know that at anytime, these *things* and even the simplicity of my life could be stripped away for any number of reasons.

I've been so blessed this year with many opportunities that have come my way but also in the "darshan" or divine seeing of Truth in action as well as painful realities of illusion posing as Truth.

I am reminded of a saying I came across long ago in Sanskrit. It read "My life is my message." I try to never forget this.

In a recent conversation with my sweet friend, Gioconda, I shared that I feel like I'm finally at a point in my yoga practice, where I have put down the books and am honestly living it. What I mean is that there is an initial place in which we often find ourselves, where we talk the talk, read the books and try to teach what we have learned, but when it comes time to enter the battle field, we drop the ball. Recent times have proven that I AM doing the work now and when it's not easy is when I believe we strengthen the "weak link"; that part of ourselves that longs to tell "the stories" as explanation, and/or verbally fight the battle that serves nothing towards the higher good of anyone or anything involved.

There was a recent moment I experience with face in hands, tears rolling from eyeballs down to chin and leaping down onto my shirt when I wanted to be ugly, nasty, hateful and hurtful because I was hurt. In that moment, I realized and remembered the only real questions that mattered...

"Is your yoga working?"
and
"What will you do with it?"

I realized that while I wanted to "take a stand" and "defend" myself in what was untruth, hurtful, and illusion at best, I needed to check myself at a time when it was most difficult, to actually SEE if my yoga was working. Part of this practice, in my experience, was also about finding understanding of perspective that was not my own and softening into forgiveness as it continued to be difficult and painful in standing knee deep in a pile of illusional manure.

We are all human. We all know what victory taste like and we all know what pain feels like in our moments of raw honestly. If we ask ourselves if our yoga is WORKING... if we go into the closet and ask this of ourselves, out loud, where nobody ever hears our secret thoughts, or lies, our truths, and the beating of our heart... what is the answer? What is YOUR answer?

We are all bound to fall at some point or another, but the question remains... do you get back UP? When you bomb, and mess up, do you OWN it and GET BACK UP?

This isn't about "age" or "time in" or how bendy or strong you can make it. This is about PRACTICE.

There's been a real transformation going on within my heart for a handful of months lately and in (tiny) part, this is it.

How can I live it, own it, and breathe it just a little bit more today than I *would* have yesterday? When I don't WANT to live it, when I want to say "F$$$ my spiritual path, its too much right now", do I have the *strength* to practice whole heartedly; moving from LOVE towards that which seems (in the moment anyway) undeserving of my love? To what degree will I be able to sit in the unknown and practice TRUST and *really* believe what seems to roll off the tongue of us all so easily as we say "trust the unknown" or "everything happens for a reason"?

So tonight, I sit here in this small but love-filled space, not without frustrations or stresses or a slightly aching heart... but with full understanding, realization, and for this, a moment of enlightenment...because I am with gratitude for the many blessings in my life; past, present, and unknown; and know that there isn't a whole lot that separates me from the next person "without". 

With this understanding I can sit here with tear-filled eyes in gratitude and in acknowledgement of my "Buddha (awakened) Nature" in being AWARE and Grateful for the depth of which I have developed and continue to strengthen living my yoga.


lovelovelove,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com
www.facebook.com/saniehyoga
www.youtube.com/saniehyoga
www.twitter.com/saniehyoga

Goodness I've been MIA on this blog for way too long! I had the misfortune of experiencing TWO moves in 3 weeks and finally got back online TODAY... It's all anchoring again but I'm a little behind with some of these things! Flying out to LA next weekend for a photo shoot so it's GO TIME between now and then in an effort to get "caught up" a bit!

So in this super saver, super dooper, super SHORT blog entry, this is what's coming ahead :

*News Letter to be emailed out very soon! Email me: sanieh@saniehyoga.com with "newsletter" in subject line
*Yoga Trace Dance Friday Oct 23rd at Yoga Vida!
*"Hearts on Fire" special class/workshop with live eastern percussion and kirtan Friday Oct 30 at Dharma Yoga
*Texas Yoga Retreat schedule (I'm presenting :) November
*Transmission Yoga Programs and Private Lessons available
*Revamping of Sanieh Yoga website underway... be looking out for stickers and magnets with my new logo that I'm so proud of and excited about. The process of creating my first logo was a sweet one seeing that I had a strong conviction of wanting the details to be a reflection of both where I am and where I'm headed ... just like the flow of the new website... (FYI-I'm thinking of doing some kind of "contest" for most creative "public display of *Sanieh Yoga* love" :) Ideas? Send them my way!

Well sometime between an incredible first day of ACL (Kings of Leon! My ears are still ringing...) and this evening, I feel my body working hard to fight off a little something. I've got my kitchen counter looking a little similar to how it looked PRE India (when I was loading up my immune system a month out) and so I'm going to keep it chill for the rest of the weekend in an effort to take care of my body. Tomorrow may be somewhat of an internal "nesting" day with work including but not limited too: a longer blog entry, some goal revamping, catching up on workshop proposals and emails, cleaning everything off the floor of new home space, and more...

For now, it's time to sleep :)

www.saniehyoga.com
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Sometimes I see so clearly where I have grown in my spiritual practice and sometimes I am forced to see just where I need to take a little extra time and sit. These days, I am mostly trying to find compassion and forgiveness for my foul ups along the way while remembering that its all part of it.   

Every so often I write about "a seekers mishaps" on this path that is not pleasing to myself and today is one of those days. I acted in a way that did not sit well with me, a few times actually, and in a way that made me feel shameful and defeated in spirit because of it...even if for a moment. I acted in a way that lacked my deepest and genuine ability to move from kindness and patience while walking into the situation without understanding and forgiveness up front despite how legit the issue at hand may have been. Whether or not anyone else viewed what I experienced *in myself* the same way or not, I am still left feeling "less than" because I acted in a way that was not aligned with my spiritual intentions. I could have easily moved from a different place had I paused and realized that everything was magnified due to the collective of things happening at once. Not necessarily bad, just the overwhelming aspect of it all.  

My experience teaches me that we must free ourselves in voice, in guilt, in creativity, in pleasure, in love .. in all ways and when I'm teaching I often share why I am a fan of an open mouth exhalation. This is part of the reason why. I share this because I think its easy for yoga teachers to get wrapped up being raised up or put on a level that isn't real. The truth is, every one of us has to look at ourselves long and hard at some point. It's called Sva Yaya or self study and it's part of the 8 fold path. Yoga is my Dharma... it does ME; therefore I practice this often and it "ain't" always pretty! I realize that dissolution must happen before recreation though... OM Namah Shivaya!  

Sengstan wrote "Do not seek perfection in a changing world. Instead, perfect your love."  

I love this. It's perfect because we can use it as compassion for ourselves. Instead of seeking perfection, it's always about progress because perfection doesn't exist in that light. If we perfect our LOVE, which is all encompassing with compassion, grace, loyalty, forgiveness etc, then we learn to offer ourselves the "compassion mudra" and move on.  

It's true that yoga teaches us to get in touch with our sensitivity. I came out of the womb that way so for me its really about turning on the intuitive side of that sensitivity and keeping aligned with it. Part of my development of this is that I am so very in touch with the biofeedback of my body, belly brain and heart teacher so the signals are there INSIDE when I don't "do well". Just as we can become addicted to the search for bliss on the mat or in life, sometimes we can hold onto the crud a little too long also.

This is my yoga for today... To let go of my attachment to what I didn't do well and to follow through with my resolution I posted on FB last night : 

Tonight I resolve to love, light up, let go, live, laugh, love some more, *let* love, move intelligently and fluidly within my choices and the unchosen, brew, STEEP, become more and more potent in my SoUl, BreaK the bubble, bREAk the mold, driiiiip with fullness, ooooze with passion and tenacity, love the mystery, embrace my sensuality, own my dharma, and vow to do it all WELL and over and over and over...  

To letting Go, finding forgiveness for ourselves, and moving on.

With Gratitude and an open, self-forgiving heart,
Sanieh
http://www.saniehyoga.com/
www.facebook.com/saniehyoga
www.twitter.com/saniehyoga (for real time updates/class substitutions and random musings)

(Photo- Loved this sign outside of a health food store in the Seminyak village in Bali, Indonesia) 

sit here in a new home, with a new schedule, new intentions and new goals. With this, I sit here with new and fresh disappointments as well as a full heart with a new found peace and a deeper sense of love and light within myself.

I remember days in what seems to be a life that was not so well lived, a lifetime ago; a young girl, so lost and without a sense of wonder for anything, and it's most humbling to be in this same "medium", in this same body and feel more radiant, more blessed, healthier and with a much stronger sense of purpose than I could have ever imagined back then.

I'm more accepting of my "humanness" today. I'm not free of discomforts, or self defeating thoughts 100% of the time, but I AM free.

I'm free from myself; out of captivity of my thinker and when I start to walk back into that coffin, I am reminded that I hold the key. I am reminded, as the Tao teaches, "If you wish to free yourself from the cage, you must die while you are alive". I have never forgotten this over the years since it's so clear that it means I have to die to MYSELF... to my habits, ways of thinking, and everything else.

Yoga teaches me that at the end of every day, I have to die to myself, again and again... if I want to WAKE UP; if I want to become stronger, more evolved and more beautiful in my soul than I was before. Yoga teaches me that I am radiant even when I forget it; and when I *do* forget, I step into this temple that is my body, my body in asana, my body in difficulty, and right into the the manas puja; or the divine shrine of my heart, and I remember that I can look out at everyone, everything, at YOU; and see myself.

I am whole.
I am full.
I am radiant.
I am beautiful.
I am blessed.
I am encouraged.
I am supported.
I am love.
I am with depth.
I am. I just AM.

all Love.
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com
facebook.com/saniehyoga
twitter.com/saniehyoga

(photo: In Kerala, India March 2009...such a kind yet powerful creature...please note that they are considerably kind (they worship them) to Elephants in India than in the US... the chains are there to keep Ganesha grounded as means of safety...))

...This is what the Bhagavad Gita teaches us (which was one of 3 possessions Gandhi owned at the time of his death if I remember correctly).  

I forgot this for a moment today when I stopped and brought my entire energies back into my own noisy internal world as I decided that "taking a nap" to escape what's real and dwell in what's only "mind stuff" was the answer. Yoga teaches us that it's OK to stop, it's OK to fall and it's OK to shut down for a moment.... so long as we can step outside of ourselves in terms of this body and this thinker and remember that whatever it is that brings us to this place is not what defines our essence. I have a permanent reminder that I am not what I feel or think and that yesterday is gone, tomorrow is an illusion and that today, the PRESENT, is where I need to be and keep my energies. It's OK to feel... it's not ok to define ourselves what what we feel or think. The only thing permanent is impermanence.  

Just like venturing into arm balances on the mat, Even when we fall, we first had to take a step and for some, we even jumped. As a RESULT of movement rather than being STATIC, we fell. With bringing yoga to every aspect of our lives we see this more clearly over time and we get up faster, become more forgiving and patience with ourselves and as a result, with other people and the world around us.    

On an entirely different level than you intended with your email, Thanks Keith W., for the angelic and auspicious reminder that I needed today.    

"On this Path no effort is ever wasted, no gain is ever reversed" - Bhagavad Gita lovelovelove,
sanieh
http://www.saniehyoga.com/
www.twitter.com/saniehyoga
www.facebook.com/saniehyoga

Ohh it's going busy week ahead...


Before moving South on Friday, I've got lined up: a few private lessons, meetings, conference calls, lots of "boxing up", cleaning, clearing, new lease signing, and Ikea going :) It's going to be a good, but full week and I'm looking forward to it.

Working to get some thing lined up in the near future is keeping me super busy (and inspired!) as well. Here are a few things I'm currently working on:

*scheduling Yoga Trance Dance at Yoga Vida 707 for October
*pending details for Dharma Yoga workshop in Oct with Chris (percussionist friend I play with)
*scheduling short day or wknd in Venice Beach in October
*possibly scheduling clinic at Pure Austin Town Lake for December
*scheduling travel teaching weekends for Early 2010
*Goals-reassessing... this is ongoing and a big part of my every week :)
*getting new website and "fixins" up and going before I leave for Yoga Journal Estes Park at the end of Sept... which means I need to ...
*schedule another photo shoot (local) then...
*get to working to with Mike on the e-commerce and "all that jazz"
*find a guitar show to sell the "step-child" , albeit beautiful, blue guitar of mine. The more I dedicate myself to playing, the more I realize I only need one.
*seems like I'm forgetting a lot, but at least I was able to squeeze this much out of my thinker without my "book" in front of me at 8:50pm on an innocent Friday night :D

I intend to start getting some things in boxes on Monday; that will make me feel better in that I'm looking around and there is no sign of moving at the moment. Speaking of Monday, my first class at Pure Austin Town Lake on Monday nights isn't going to be until the 14th!?!?! since the first is on a Tuesday, then Monday 7th is Free Day of Yoga so there aren't any regularly scheduled classes. Bugger!

I am looking forward to the weekend however. Tomorrow day/night will be spent with 5 other lady friends in the spirit of Leah's birthday. She's ordered pedicures, an afternoon at the Springs, back to her place to get ready (mine as well order in for as long as it's going to take 6 gals to put on their dancing shoes with one bathroom!), dinner on SoCo and then random cab ride to destination unknown. It should be a good time. Oh, and it doesn't end there. The "agenda" clearly states that we wake up and attend Shirley's (from Pure) "SLASH" event at Lululemon on Sunday morning as well! Good thing Chicago Mike will be there with his "KoolKones" :) If you are wondering what those are, you will have to show up and taste test for yourself... Mmmmm. I especially like the cookie part :D Good call, Leah :) I heart my fellow Goddesses :)

night night.

www.saniehyoga.com

THURSDAY, AUG 20 is the NEW MOON. What are YOUR intentions,new works/offerings, Auspicious beginnings that you wish to send out into the energetic macrocosmic field of consciousness???


Affective next Thursday night (after evening class ending at 715pm to be specific), Aug. 27, I will no longer be teaching with Yoga Yoga studios. I invite you to show your support for those who dedicate themselves to holding the space that is your group, public class container and I encourage you to write, call and email YY asking them why so many of your favorite teachers are not renewing their contracts in September.

My humble thanks, love, gratitude, abundance, light, and so much more to the many who have supported, encouraged and allowed my classes, practice, teaching and person to expand over the last 2 years and 1 month since my return to ATX. I know enough to know that our students are never really "ours" anyway and at some point, if it's now during this transition or 10 yeas from now, we all move forward on our path yet the impression; the "heart print", forever remains.  

I have looked forward to seeing your faces, hearing your laughter and even listening to your trash talking (this of course before I lovingly made you regret it :) over the last 2 years but most of all, I've cherished the first moments of connection eye to eye before class and your hugs in the end. My heart bows to the proverbial alter that is YOU ...  

My public class schedule is updated (not the workshops... that's coming soon but I WILL be teaching at the big winter Texas Yoga Retreat Nov. 2-4! TBA)  but stay tuned as there may be additions :)...

The closest location to my North Austin student base (and it's pretty close actually) is Dharma Yoga on Guadalupe (exit 45th from Mopac then Right on Guadalupe... or take Burnet to 45th). It's an incredibly beautiful studio space and that I highly encourage you to check it out... my regular class times are 8am tues/thurs and high noon on fridays... there are often additional days that I sub (some coming up in sept/oct) and workshops as well (one coming up Friday Oct 30th...TBA).  

**NOTE: Keith at Dharma Yoga will likely be offering the same super sweet discounted class passes again this year promoting FREE DAY OF YOGA. I highly recommend your stopping by. While I don't know the details just yet, last year the promotion went on for about a week before, ending ON FDOY.**  

If you are already, Please connect with me via my monthly newsletter (by emailing me at sanieh@saniehyoga.com and include "newsletter" in the subject line) which will keep you "in the know" on class changes and additions as well as workshops and lots of revamping that is currently happening behind the scenes with Sanieh Yoga.  

I look forward to see all of your faces this Thursday and next week Tuesday night 6pm, Wed 12 noon, and Thursday 6pm.  

lovelovelove,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com

Defining what it means for me...

What it means is changing my views and how I see the world and keeping my Attention on the now  in presence and my ultimate INtention on where I am headed.

As students of the flow of yoga, we eventually get to a place in our "planning" and even goal setting where we create the vision, work diligently and sometimes discreetly, and in some cases; step right into the fire, only to come out the other side more disciplined, fluid, expansive and fulfilled. We get to this place, in part, by leaving room for the goodness, abundance, and beauty of life to unfold in its most auspicious ways that come to fruition somewhere between our rigid outline----and the space we create by softening into the possible unfolding that we could not have possibly planned for otherwise.

Somewhere along my journey, I have come to trust that the source I bow to the essence of brings just what I need to light and right onto my path and sometimes in the most interesting packages, and / or in ways that I could not have ever written out even with the most spiritually divine-filled pen on the planet.

It's all as it should be and its all changing and evolving and steadily, I find patience in this understanding and silky movement where I was once rigid and with a need to tightly hold on.

When I set out for Bali, I brought with me many intentions that I would begin to cultivate and practice with the intention of clearing and freeing things I was holding onto that I simply didn't want to be carrying... and as the teachers of life would have it, I began the day before I left.

All the time people ask me how often I practice, for how long and when I started. My practice is every day, in every moment that I can sit with myself and find forgiveness, patience, self soothing and my inner warrior/She "wolf". These days, this is the hardest work I ever do... you can run me, take me through any asana class on the planet, put me through "Angie" workout over and over and over and my body may get tired but THIS is the life changing, profound stuff.

You want to change your life? Step into something that scares the shit out of you. Physically, mentally, emotionally and the result is spiritual.

Step right into your fear and CHANGE.
Right here.
Do it.
Now.
I dare you.

sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com

Surf PIC: While there are many pics of more intensity (maybe I'll post more later), the look here on my face shows it all-the entire "bhav" of the unplugged "Sanieh tending to her inner fire" time.. serenity and peace after a sweet ride in from "the green" that you see behind me...just behind a fellow surfer guru who cheers, smiles and supports from behind my tunnel vision after passing him by. What A sweet ride my life is...

Certificate PIC: on the last day, Rip Curl gave me this certificate that I so, so love

Just returned from a Surfing retreat last night after 30 something hours of straight travel...

One thing I know for sure after the last 10 days surfing "INDO" in sacred Bali with 16 Goddesses from all across the planet; and after reviewing photos and video footage of my surf meditation is this:

Life is NOT against me! When we are in the flow and in a place of peace and beauty because of being in uninterrupted flow, there are people who we never even know are there in the background cheering for us, smiling as we cruise on by after the ride of our lives! They may even be silently,secretly, or very LOUDLY jumping in our very joy that we have created for ourselves when we stop going against our own grain; our very essence.

Thank you, Bali, Indonesia. Thank you, Mother Ocean. Thank you to the many who have touched me along the way.

Love,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com
www.twitter.com/saniehyoga