Choosing Joy through Compassion & Kindness at Thirty-Something...

Beauty is realizing that my 30s are starting to bring forth more compassion and kindness towards myself . Yesterday I was leisurely thinking about a choice I made recently that may or may not have been the best (still undetermined and will stay as such) yet the beauty to this is that I am not feeling the need to critique this particular choice so much as I might have before. I am reminded that it really is ok and things don't always have to be with so much depth... sometimes its better if it's not actually.  

I am a creature who loves and basks in growth and self improvement (= less self torture). I love everything about it, in particular, coming into my own as a woman who can be witness to my experiences rather than being the critic or judge of them. There is something very feminine to me about moving closer into such a place of equanimity (= confidence) and ownership of choices and being OK with resting in "it is what it is".  

The thread of the day brought me to sharing this poem in class:

Are You Looking For Me?

"Are you looking for me? I am in the next seat. My shoulder is against yours. You will not find me in the stupas, not in Indian shrine rooms, nor in synagogues, nor in cathedrals: not in masses nor in kirtans, not in legs winding around your own neck, nor in eating nothing but vegetables. When you really look for me, you will see me instantly. You will find me in the tiniest house of time. Kabir says: Student, tell me, What is God? God is the breath inside the breath." - Kabir

The breath, as in Kabir's words, is where the Light and divinity is found.   Sometimes we make meditation about anything other than what it is...It's not something that has to be an hour sit (or even a "sit" at all for that matter...), or even 20 minutes.  

Meditation is the act of being with ourselves and in the experience as it is, completely, for the entire space even if only for 5 breaths; without feeling the need to be anywhere else. I shared that in a class yesterday and went right into my breath where I was immediately challenged with this very example (funny how that happens...)  

Yet it's in that very moment when the choice is ours. Eckhart Tolle talks about being so totally in the present moment at any cost. I'd like to add to that that 5 breaths, really...inviting connection with 5 full and completely tuned in breaths has the ability to make such a difference in our day to day lives.

The benefits of beginning my day with calamity and honestly *choosing* joy and practicing kindness towards myself rather than making a heavy circumstance out of a choice I made, staying centered in my heart and authenticity in teaching; I feel more centered, peaceful, and kind... not only towards myself, but towards others. After writing this, I found myself having to make the best "call" in a similiar decision making situation; faced with this practice yet again... and again, I sit with peacefulness.

Lately, more than the "tricks" or in Kabir's words "not in legs winding around your own neck", this is what my *real* practice of yoga looks like...and the journey continues to reveal that it starts with myself... it starts with the decisions I make and more importantly, the self talk after making them; A lifelong journey.

It's really not about going into a cave to be initiated into mantrayana or anything else of that nature. Sometimes, just sitting and being still and meditating on the beauty of PRESENCE, right now, makes the world a better place...

LLL
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com