Love, Light, Form, and Friendship

There is nothing like connecting with another human being on a level that is beyond and outside of any fears of judgment. There is nothing like connecting in the space where only truth exists and where UN-truth is without a name. There is nothing like sitting in the sun losing all track of time while being brutally honest, bouncing off one another the hidden neurosis of the mental patters that can be overtaken only by the equally neurotic emotional pattens, only to learn that you are in fact NOT the only one who has gone through the bullshit, the let downs, high excitements, glory days, or undeniable heart ache etc. There is so much therapy in connecting with another human being who holds the space for this freedom and welcomes the truth of the matter but not without gut-busting laughter to accompany the uprising of verbal pukage to come.

There is nothing, like being a woman and connecting with another woman on this level in a space of supportive, non-judgmental, loving tenderness... without shame; without apology and doing so in a such a way that recharges your sweet spirit in a way that only this kind of connection, friendship, and bond can fulfill.

Sunday was an "ordinary day" with the exception of my waking up to find that my dear friend Marvin, waxed and polished my car and left a hidden track of music (that later had me in celebration!) for me waiting in my cd player. An ordinary day it was with the exception that I got to spend half of it with my glorious, and oh so beautiful Goddess yoga teacher friend, Lauran, who "answered the call"  (and then literally made a call!) and reached out to me recognizing that there was in fact a sutra, a thread of connection which landed us on top of the roof at whole foods in said verbal pukage ceremony a week later!

It might or might not make more sense to know that I was just 17 when my mother was killed. I know for sure that this major life changing event shaped (over and over again...) the entire feminine aspect of my experience in every single area of my life from how I view, experience, and express my sensuality, sexuality, sense of self (as the nurturer and also the provider), how I view my world, and how I respond to it. There is, without a doubt ,a level of evolution in all of these areas but not unlike anything else, I continue to deepen into the discovery of it all while gliding into that perfect space of equanimity.  

I grew up with a bunch of brothers and so there was always a lot of masculine energy around me.... my mother was my feminine grounding. Becoming a woman, was, has been, and continues to be something that I have had to teach myself; through trial and error. maybe because I grew up around boys perhaps, and/or because I lost what was my foundation at the time in my life I did, connecting with the women of the world; was always very difficult and uncomfortable. Not until about 7 years ago did I even start to do so.

While we all have qualities of both the feminine and the masculine which we pull from day to day based on the need, It's interesting for me to look back on my experiences  to see where I might have pulled more so, from one or the other in order to get me through some of those experiences. Today, while their is a lot more grounding, sense of purpose and sense of self  in the world, the waters are much more calm in my life and I am able to see that there is a strong need and desire for me to create, marinate, and swim in the nurturing, healing and therapeutic component that is solid female supportive friendships, bonds, and connections.

I left my sweet friend that day feeling like I just got up from an extended stay on the most plush couch at my therapists office! To say that it was glorious would not even begin to do my day justice. As we discussed that day while drinking our "young coconut milk (with pulp)",  the process or the act doesn't always make "it"/"things" go away; just like the practice of yoga... one could be a yogi(ni), but it doesn't mean you are always living in the "light". There is the light and then there is the form. 

(side bar: if you come to either of our classes this week, I'm almost certain you will experience a theme of light / form from our own point of views and expressions :)  

With light and form, there is masculine and feminine. We aren't necessarily without one or the other, EVER, but we swing between the two. What I realized from that afternoon was more of "the why" for my craving this divine (and it IS divine!) connection with others in my life.  There is STRENGTH in that... but the feminine strength is more meek, it's softer... it's still very much so alive, but its not the pit bull. Think of it more as the Golden or more as the mother whose child is trapped beneath the car.  It's there on reserve for when and how it needs to be set free.

I went right into my week  of practice and teaching (that started later that afternoon with my sweet  Goddess- friend's class who teaches much within the same method as myself which was amazing for me to be able to take "my own"  class from someone else's transmission if you will, without having to stand in from of a room to do so :))) fresh and with new inspiration and perspective... all from simply spending time with someone who is from "the same planet".

I'm really into the collective whole at the moment; collaboration, building my tribe, and being the observer of my own experiences. I'm ever so sweetly seeing the unfolding of my life right before my own eyes rather than getting lost in it waking up and saying "WTF! What just happened?" ... and I feel the gift in doing so.

Here's to supporting, loving honoring, believing, trusting without dismissing, sharing, creating, bonding, building, reflecting with one another and starting anew.... and to doing so with those who are riding the same wave and reminding us that while "it's a long trip alone", we really are not alone at all.

Ode to my super natural Goddess friend, Lauran; ode to the beauty that is the bonding of soul-sisters everywhere...

"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." Diane Ackerman, poet

LoveLoveLove,
Sanieh