Goodness I've been MIA on this blog for way too long! I had the misfortune of experiencing TWO moves in 3 weeks and finally got back online TODAY... It's all anchoring again but I'm a little behind with some of these things! Flying out to LA next weekend for a photo shoot so it's GO TIME between now and then in an effort to get "caught up" a bit!

So in this super saver, super dooper, super SHORT blog entry, this is what's coming ahead :

*News Letter to be emailed out very soon! Email me: sanieh@saniehyoga.com with "newsletter" in subject line
*Yoga Trace Dance Friday Oct 23rd at Yoga Vida!
*"Hearts on Fire" special class/workshop with live eastern percussion and kirtan Friday Oct 30 at Dharma Yoga
*Texas Yoga Retreat schedule (I'm presenting :) November
*Transmission Yoga Programs and Private Lessons available
*Revamping of Sanieh Yoga website underway... be looking out for stickers and magnets with my new logo that I'm so proud of and excited about. The process of creating my first logo was a sweet one seeing that I had a strong conviction of wanting the details to be a reflection of both where I am and where I'm headed ... just like the flow of the new website... (FYI-I'm thinking of doing some kind of "contest" for most creative "public display of *Sanieh Yoga* love" :) Ideas? Send them my way!

Well sometime between an incredible first day of ACL (Kings of Leon! My ears are still ringing...) and this evening, I feel my body working hard to fight off a little something. I've got my kitchen counter looking a little similar to how it looked PRE India (when I was loading up my immune system a month out) and so I'm going to keep it chill for the rest of the weekend in an effort to take care of my body. Tomorrow may be somewhat of an internal "nesting" day with work including but not limited too: a longer blog entry, some goal revamping, catching up on workshop proposals and emails, cleaning everything off the floor of new home space, and more...

For now, it's time to sleep :)

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(shameless plug: for a list of many events/workshops, private lesson giveaways, yoga and live music offerings and yoga trance dances all starting this coming friday, Oct. 23- Dec... email sanieh@saniehyoga.com and I will send you the most recent newsletter with all the listings! Pre Reg is already open and spots are filling up...so get it get it! )


Apologies for not being a regular as I have been in the past, it's been for good reason though.

I'm finally getting settled into the "second" new home space. I have finally completed the arrangement of my alters (which always seem to change with the tide of my ever changing life...) and getting minor repairs done as well as organizing in the new space of which I am so grateful for having. So grateful.

When I think about where I am, where I have come from, and the many storms that I have had to weather to *arrive*, with all that I AM, I say to you... I AM GRATEFUL.

I know that at anytime, these *things* and even the simplicity of my life could be stripped away for any number of reasons.

I've been so blessed this year with many opportunities that have come my way but also in the "darshan" or divine seeing of Truth in action as well as painful realities of illusion posing as Truth.

I am reminded of a saying I came across long ago in Sanskrit. It read "My life is my message." I try to never forget this.

In a recent conversation with my sweet friend, Gioconda, I shared that I feel like I'm finally at a point in my yoga practice, where I have put down the books and am honestly living it. What I mean is that there is an initial place in which we often find ourselves, where we talk the talk, read the books and try to teach what we have learned, but when it comes time to enter the battle field, we drop the ball. Recent times have proven that I AM doing the work now and when it's not easy is when I believe we strengthen the "weak link"; that part of ourselves that longs to tell "the stories" as explanation, and/or verbally fight the battle that serves nothing towards the higher good of anyone or anything involved.

There was a recent moment I experience with face in hands, tears rolling from eyeballs down to chin and leaping down onto my shirt when I wanted to be ugly, nasty, hateful and hurtful because I was hurt. In that moment, I realized and remembered the only real questions that mattered...

"Is your yoga working?"
and
"What will you do with it?"

I realized that while I wanted to "take a stand" and "defend" myself in what was untruth, hurtful, and illusion at best, I needed to check myself at a time when it was most difficult, to actually SEE if my yoga was working. Part of this practice, in my experience, was also about finding understanding of perspective that was not my own and softening into forgiveness as it continued to be difficult and painful in standing knee deep in a pile of illusional manure.

We are all human. We all know what victory taste like and we all know what pain feels like in our moments of raw honestly. If we ask ourselves if our yoga is WORKING... if we go into the closet and ask this of ourselves, out loud, where nobody ever hears our secret thoughts, or lies, our truths, and the beating of our heart... what is the answer? What is YOUR answer?

We are all bound to fall at some point or another, but the question remains... do you get back UP? When you bomb, and mess up, do you OWN it and GET BACK UP?

This isn't about "age" or "time in" or how bendy or strong you can make it. This is about PRACTICE.

There's been a real transformation going on within my heart for a handful of months lately and in (tiny) part, this is it.

How can I live it, own it, and breathe it just a little bit more today than I *would* have yesterday? When I don't WANT to live it, when I want to say "F$$$ my spiritual path, its too much right now", do I have the *strength* to practice whole heartedly; moving from LOVE towards that which seems (in the moment anyway) undeserving of my love? To what degree will I be able to sit in the unknown and practice TRUST and *really* believe what seems to roll off the tongue of us all so easily as we say "trust the unknown" or "everything happens for a reason"?

So tonight, I sit here in this small but love-filled space, not without frustrations or stresses or a slightly aching heart... but with full understanding, realization, and for this, a moment of enlightenment...because I am with gratitude for the many blessings in my life; past, present, and unknown; and know that there isn't a whole lot that separates me from the next person "without". 

With this understanding I can sit here with tear-filled eyes in gratitude and in acknowledgement of my "Buddha (awakened) Nature" in being AWARE and Grateful for the depth of which I have developed and continue to strengthen living my yoga.


lovelovelove,
Sanieh
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On the fly, I can't tell you the last time I was full on committed to someone. I commit all the time; to my students, reinvention, putting myself out there as incriminating or vulnerable as it may be or seem (not sure if you believe me? Check this out and you will see what I mean! http://www.youtube.com/saniehyoga...) but not in this way. It's been a while.

This is Layla and right now, I am celebrating her for stepping into her fear that is my staircase leading up to my office. That and the fact that she has pottied outside a few times now. I'm not sure I have *ever* celebrated anyone's "going potty" ever in life...although I'm soon to be an Aunt...but this moment is my first.

Layla; She who has, in less than 24 hrs, made me laugh, brought more patience into my being, brought me close to tears, made me proud and worried me pretty good a few times over.

She's got special needs; emotional needs. (Don't we all?). She was in a home, maybe a few and for one reason or another, they gave her up so no telling how many places she stepped into with uncertainty. I had to remember this (thank you, Elsa) when she stepped into mine yesterday and 10 min later, unloaded a big, wet poo and wouldn't budge when I tried to get her outside. She didn't associate my home with *her* home and probably wondered who the heck I was and why I was still around after a few days of visitation.

She was pulled from death row the night before she was suppose to be euthinized which was just 3 weeks ago.

*Internal Dialog* "

I wonder if she knows I've saved her life and that of whoever got her former spot last night after I committed to her?"

"Does she love me or will she?"

"It can't matter; not right now. I *have* to love *her*."

I remember getting a dog on impulse when I was married. I remember (shamefully) not listening to the signals he was trying to tell us and not thinking about the obvious (you eat, you eventually have to download it out ("Apana Vayu", Sanieh, come on... You know this)

*Observations as I write*...

"I think she might still have a little upper respiratory? Her nose sounds clogged. Or is that residue from the kennel cough she was just treated for? Still concerned over the pace of her breath."  Worried? Yes.

I realized this may sound dramatic for those parents of human beings but Yesterday, I embraced my inner great mother and today, I *have* to be patient, firm, forgiving, nurturing, teacher, *and* student.

Layla.

She's 10-12 months of nothing but cuddling lap love (she knows not her size). Already a little Buddha. An awakened one. Awakened to nothing but forgiveness, trust and ultimate love and she surrenders herself to my care.

Today, I'm a little less self involved than I was yesterday. I have to think of her needs before my own sometimes now if I want to help her emotionally and get her out of her depression and any anxiety she may have. I have to do what I do and that's to love. I have to love her. And to love her is to go *beyond* providing her basic needs. "She's already starting to trust me, already starting to let me in. All I have to do is love her", I keep reminding myself in my fear, "and I'm *good* at that".

All I have to do is love.
Everything good falls under loving.

To our everyday teachers in life and love,
Sanieh

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