Layla, my Buddha.

On the fly, I can't tell you the last time I was full on committed to someone. I commit all the time; to my students, reinvention, putting myself out there as incriminating or vulnerable as it may be or seem (not sure if you believe me? Check this out and you will see what I mean! http://www.youtube.com/saniehyoga...) but not in this way. It's been a while.

This is Layla and right now, I am celebrating her for stepping into her fear that is my staircase leading up to my office. That and the fact that she has pottied outside a few times now. I'm not sure I have *ever* celebrated anyone's "going potty" ever in life...although I'm soon to be an Aunt...but this moment is my first.

Layla; She who has, in less than 24 hrs, made me laugh, brought more patience into my being, brought me close to tears, made me proud and worried me pretty good a few times over.

She's got special needs; emotional needs. (Don't we all?). She was in a home, maybe a few and for one reason or another, they gave her up so no telling how many places she stepped into with uncertainty. I had to remember this (thank you, Elsa) when she stepped into mine yesterday and 10 min later, unloaded a big, wet poo and wouldn't budge when I tried to get her outside. She didn't associate my home with *her* home and probably wondered who the heck I was and why I was still around after a few days of visitation.

She was pulled from death row the night before she was suppose to be euthinized which was just 3 weeks ago.

*Internal Dialog* "

I wonder if she knows I've saved her life and that of whoever got her former spot last night after I committed to her?"

"Does she love me or will she?"

"It can't matter; not right now. I *have* to love *her*."

I remember getting a dog on impulse when I was married. I remember (shamefully) not listening to the signals he was trying to tell us and not thinking about the obvious (you eat, you eventually have to download it out ("Apana Vayu", Sanieh, come on... You know this)

*Observations as I write*...

"I think she might still have a little upper respiratory? Her nose sounds clogged. Or is that residue from the kennel cough she was just treated for? Still concerned over the pace of her breath."  Worried? Yes.

I realized this may sound dramatic for those parents of human beings but Yesterday, I embraced my inner great mother and today, I *have* to be patient, firm, forgiving, nurturing, teacher, *and* student.

Layla.

She's 10-12 months of nothing but cuddling lap love (she knows not her size). Already a little Buddha. An awakened one. Awakened to nothing but forgiveness, trust and ultimate love and she surrenders herself to my care.

Today, I'm a little less self involved than I was yesterday. I have to think of her needs before my own sometimes now if I want to help her emotionally and get her out of her depression and any anxiety she may have. I have to do what I do and that's to love. I have to love her. And to love her is to go *beyond* providing her basic needs. "She's already starting to trust me, already starting to let me in. All I have to do is love her", I keep reminding myself in my fear, "and I'm *good* at that".

All I have to do is love.
Everything good falls under loving.

To our everyday teachers in life and love,
Sanieh

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