I continued to be astounded and astonished at just how much of my own "stuff" unfolds through the experiences that surface from learning to see the guru in all forms in my day to day life. In recent classes, I eluted to the fact that I have recognized a "teacher" in my life- someone who has no idea of their teaching in this way; someone who in addition to the "everyday" or "regular" experiences/interactions I may have with them, are symbolic to my holding a mirror to myself showing me where I need to go deeply into a place that challenges me to reflect, confront and question my repetitious patterns in how I've lived my life in a particular area thus far on a number of levels simply by their existence on my path.   

I should add that with this, I have found myself challenged in ways that require my relinquishing said patterns if I truly wish to experience liberation from the binds I have tied myself; those that have created self-induced suffering, patterns that have me not only asking what it is that I really believe in (rather than what I've bought into or perhaps once believed but due to personal growth and maturity, have evolved from...), what I'm willing to fully proclaim as a "non-negotiable" in my life or not, and also to think about the root reasons for my doing the things that I have been doing, even in good intent, that has revealed themselves to be harmful or at least "without service" for living my best life over time.  

I realize that I'm sort of talking in "code" here... this is a path that is meant for me to travel and explore on my own rather than to carry dialog out loud about it (for now anyway)... but it's a rich one and one well worth exploring because I do believe as expressed in Buddhist philosophy and in Vipassana meditation tradition, that it is our attachment and aversion to all things in life that create our own suffering. Suffering starts and stops with ourselves.  

All things decay, change, and eventually die. The only thing permanent is that of Impermanence. Not to say that change isn't good, or that experiences and people cannot go with the flow and change in the same direction or that death isn't beautiful, spiritual, holy and a natural part of life... but it is our attachment or aversion on all sides of extremes that create our own miseries physically, mentally, emotionally and while you're at it, certainly spiritually lowering our vibrations and "connectedness" that the world that we are not separated from. It is true that there must first be destruction, before there can be recreation.  

I'm finding that sometimes we get in the way of our own greatest longings, thus our own greatness. There's always work to  be done...blessed are those who recognize it.  

"My life is my message."  

love,
Sanieh
http://www.saniehyoga.com/  

(2 posts-one night. wow!)

Here's the thing... happiness is a choice. It's a choice. Finding what we need in this very moment; it's a choice we all have to make, and the choice is ours RIGHT NOW.  

Patience is often friend to happiness, real happiness, I'll go further- it's friend to JOY. Lack of patience is perhaps the suicide of joy. Pure Joy. Living and choosing JOYFULLY. Joyful participation. Joyful and Patient participation! The choice is ours everyday. What if you woke up tomorrow with the proclamation of invoking PATIENCE- for *whatever* it is that you want in your life? What if we joyfully participated in TODAY, this moment and vowed to be PATIENT in the process of the ultimate unfolding?  

This is a big part of what "impermanence" represents to me in my life right now as I know it. Not only that it's all going to change; that it's currently changing (because NOTHING is still)... but also having the knowledge that for as long as I am keeping this close to my heart, I remember that this is in fact a fleeting moment no matter how good, bad, painful, beautiful, delicious this moment may be...

I must be present.
I MUST be PRESENT.
I must be patient, so that I can be present...

In adoration,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com

India is right around the corner and this is one of those times when I know I am going to walk into an experience and be forever changed on the other side of it.

The last time I walked into something knowing I would exit with a changed heart and perspective on life was when I attended a 10 day silent Vipassana meditation course where I meditated for 11 hours a day each day vowing into silence of body, speech completing the course 07-07-07.. This experience was so rich that it inspired my most recent tattoo, even though it has taken me a year and a half to actually get inked.

It changed my life and this reminder that is "Impermanace" in Sanskrit, is one that will forever be visual to my eyes in moments when I need it most. I attended this course right before returning to Austin and after 6 months of a personal hell on Earth experience so coming out of *that*, it really changed my perspective on many things and has changed that of my life. It's not quite as simple as "impermanence" for me... it's more the aspect and reminder as in Goenka-ji's words "Anicca, Anicca, Anicca" (Pali for the same word in Sanskrit word that is "Anitya", meaning the same thing and looking very similar in writing) , or "Changing, Changing, Changing".

It's all fleeting...our thoughts, our emotions, our experiences; this very moment. Whatever you feel, know, taste, love, dislike... it's not her to stay. It's only a visitor on this path...maybe for a short time, maybe for a while.  Stay present.

So I have found out that the Yoga and Ayurvedic retreat and teacher training is completely sold out!

I'm thrilled to assist Shiva again and while I'm not sure of how many people actually max this one, I'm thinking about 100...

I'm SO excited about what's on the intinerary for the experience.


Shiva says "Manaltheeram/Somatheeram, a healing ayurvedic sanctuary on the Malabar Coast of Kerala, is one of the most healing and culturally rich areas of India. Located at the southern tip of India, Kerala is blessed by the Goddess with lush green coconut palms, forests, paddy fields, lakes, rivers and beautiful beaches."

Sounds amazing! And there's more...

"This retreat is an opportunity to practice and live yoga in India nourished by nature and Ayurveda. Our goal is to help you enter a pilgrimage to India gently with freedom to travel afterwards, relaxed and open to the unfolding magic."

This is just some of what we will be experiencing:

*11 days of transformational yoga with Shiva and special musical guests
*10, yes 10 daily rejuevnating Kerala Ayurvedic massages
*All meals, including breakfast, lunch and dinner with your choice of gourmet Kerala cuisine or cleansing ayurvedic diet designed for your constitution.
*11 days/10 nights accommodations at Manaltheeram/Somatheeram Ayurvedic retreat center
*Evening classical dance, cultural and musical performances in the outdoor stage under the stars.
*Ganesh Temple blessings with coconut throwing for removal of inner and outer obstacles
*Yoga Trance Dance on the beach with Shiva Rea
*Local backwater boat ride
*Fire Ceremony
*Lakshmi Puja for inner and outer prosperity
*Ayurvedic consultation with Ayurvedic Doctors at Manaltheeram/Somatheeram
*Optional tours to temples and palaces of Kerala

I'm MOST excited about the pujas, blessings and temples. Last time I assisted Shiva in Venice Beach, she brought in an Indian man who did a live, REAL Lakshmi puja that had us all in tears it was so beautiful and full of love and devotion.

I do have to add that the assisting experience in the Mother Land, and to have the opportunity to be witness from all perspectives of, student, assistant, and teacher is most sacred. I'm really looking forward to this experience and feel blessed to have brought this to fruition. I'm also blessed for all of the factors that allowed this to happen and unfold the way that it has so gracefully done. As life changes, I realize that it will become more and more difficult to make such a pilgrimage, while now I'm not bound to family etc. so it's much easier in that way.

The timing is far better now than before because before, I felt I wanted to go out of necessity. I felt that being a teacher of this yoga *required* my going and honestly, there was a time when going would have meant searching lands far away to find what could only be found within. I understand fully, NOW, that while external teachers (read recent post to the right hand side, "What's your inner dialog tonight") help facilitate depth to our path through the gurus found in everyday people, far away lands, insights, nature, etc... the truest teacher is the one within.

"Whatever path men travel is the path to me." Krishna
OM Namah Shivaya- without separation.

All Love,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com

(Pic- last summer in Yogadandasana)

Saturday was perhaps the most grounded day collectively, that I have experienced in a while. I just felt very present. My morning started off sweetly, making a beautiful breakfast for my out of town company and myself while listening to mantra offerings to sun then some sweet chill tunes on my new used speakers (thanks, Marvin!) before enjoying breakfast sitting out on my balcony in the early cool morning breeze.

I was able to get some work done before deciding on attending public class-which by the way, organically brought tears to my eyes in the first 10 min. simply because I felt myself in a really good, calm, nurturing place honoring and respecting the slow movement, as I often teach in classes myself, and... well, that's just what happens sometimes. Even in it's beauty, tears, while head is inverted in Uttanasana WITH mascara on, is, if nothing else, an interesting experience!

Later on that afternoon I attended a Buddha Dharma workshop at Dharma Yoga with a Zen Priest which was fantastic. I teach there and have to say that I absolutely LOVE the zen quality to the space and I adore Keith and everyone who is a part of making the space what it is... including the incredible student-friends who regularly make my classes a blast. The workshop was fantastic with an hour dharma talk about our relation to emotions and intellectual thoughts and the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhist philosophy then into a 2 hour physical asana practice that was geared towards our experiencing the thoughts and emotions while sustaining our shapes- It all keeps going back to Impermanence for me, doesn't it?! Funny in that the last few weeks have been spent using this as food for thought in my classes and has been the focus of many blog posts lately. It's been the space of my own day to day and that's the space I tend to teach from. "You teach what you practice and you teach what you need to know."

Most of today was spent in silence until early evening, with the exception of this morning while sending my company off. By 830 am, I found myself pretty silent in speech, music, and other external stimulous and have been honoring and respecting, while enjoying, the ebb and flow of this Sunday's Sadhana which *today* looked something like this: A whole lot of reading about Ayurvedic healing, a whole lot of napping in between said reading, meditation sadhana and spontaneous embodied sadhana sprinkled in.

It's a very exciting time in my life right now, no doubt. Sometimes I fear that I take it for granted or that I may "forget", and other times pinch myself making sure it's all as real as it seems. Even so, I occasionally have my moment of desire- wanting someone to share the experiences with on an emotionally initimate level ... yet I'm more calm and peaceful to this than I've ever been before. It's becoming part of my practice of patience and acceptance of what is rather than squeezing or forcing; working with softening to my past attempts at trying to "manipulate" the unfolding of things (my proclamation stated out loud at this last Yoga Trance Dance) I desire in my life.

Earlier I was reading about yoga and it's relation to love on a romantic or intimate level. As a result, this is what I've come up with as to what my living sadhana will be centered around for a while (since Hallmark told us this coming Saturday is the day of love and all - jk;) ... (note: you will be seeing this thread in class this week of course) and will do so from a complete place of love and self-fulfillment...

*Embodied intimacy through yoga
*Bowing to the feelings in and of the present
*Embracing love through movement
*Remembering the starting point that I've spent the last ew years working diligently on (being fulfilled within myself first), and what the Tantras teach that is "Sva Tantra"- inner fulfillment first.

Actually, this very thing has inspired my sadhana as both student and teacher for the upcoming week... and also my music playlist :)

After my return from India (March 12....holy smokes, am I REALLY going to INDIA in a few weeks ?!?!?!?) I am planning to enter into my own "Transmission Yoga Program" tm experience that I've created as one of my offerings which will last a 30 day period "officially". It's been a while since working through this process myself in this way and as the space of my self studies grow, evolve and change, in addition to the incredible India experience I am about to embark on, my living sadhana needs to reflect that if I am to honor these shifts in my growth, in nature and in my life. More on that to come...

okay, it's getting late and Monday is right around the corner...

lovelovelove,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com

Filed under "inspiration", these are some of the many quotes that I keep on me at all times. Below are just a few that I find myself really connecting to right now and they are jewels. Some of these are personal words that were said to me directly from friends and teachers, some I heard or read in various places and some who have come before us, I know only through their written word and inspiration. Maybe there is a morsel here that will move you with where you are on your path...


"Get up, get over it, and get on with it." Stoney Grimes

"Life is always and only here and now" Eckhart Tolle

"Tantra teaches us we are all free to plant the garden we choose. The possibilities of what we can cultivate are limitless, and it's up to us to create and participate in our reality".

"Let passion drive your profession."

"Challenge your irrational beliefs." Dr. Robin

"Feel the fear and do it anyway." Dr. Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace."

"Love is what's left over when all that's 'being in love" has burned away."

"Once in a while you get shown the light In the strangest of places if you look at it right"-Grateful Dead

"The greatest agony is an untold story." Mya Angelo

"Yoga Is the means we have of undoing the damage inflicted by the worship of who we're not." -Yoga Soup Studio add

"If you never go you never know."

"Risk to not know until its time to know and until then-learn learn learn." Shiva Rea

"The best way to create is to get out of your own way and be vessel for something greater than yourself to move through you. Jeremy Piven

"For the entire universe you experience you are the subtle cause. Anything you respond to you respond to a signal you generated within yourself." Deepak Chopra

"You must have someone to love rather or not it loves you back. You must have a reason to get up in the morning that's not your career. You must have something beyond yourself-spirituality-something that makes you know that there's something out there beyond yourself." Barbara Walters

"You look for fame you will lose your soul. You look for creation and you'll find it."

"The key to good relationships is to let go of expectation".

"There is so much love in us all, but often we are too shy to express our love, and keep it bottled up inside us. We must learn to love, to love until it hurts and we will know how to express love." Mother Teresa

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." Lao Tzo

"Love is what is left when we abandon the ego." Ekhart Tolle, A new earth

"Getting others involved supports your practice regardless of whatever you are practicing." Gwen Bell

"It's ok to be a powerful communicator so that you can make an impact- stepping powerfully into that roll of being a teacher- tap into spirit for it to lovingly flow--- impact as many people as are willing to listen to the message. Its part of the human experience to have those desires and experience- but what's most important is what happens after." Bob Doyle

"Don't run away-keep your eye on the bandaged place -thats where the light enters you." Rumi

"The light that you turn to has to come from within- that's having faith."

"Whats behind the act? It's not about the act itself. What's the intention behind it? Art or ego!" David Swenson

"Limitless like the ocean are your excellent qualities." Dalai lama

"Until we are all healed, no one is healed." Martin Luther King

"Built into every storm is the peace you are seeking." Swami Muktananda

"Sometimes it takes a great sky to find that small, indescribable wedge of freedom in your own heart." David Whyte

"If you take everyones judgment to heart, you surrender your own ability to view yourself clearly."

"Sense the earth beneath your feet,watch birds soar, feel the wind on your face-these are all reminders that your troubles, even your joys need not be all consuming. You are a part of something bigger."

"I am not what happened to me- I am what I choose to become." Carl Jung

"Shift from control to trust (allowing yourself to trust in your nature rather than allowing yourself to believe that everything has to be controlled by you - as we did in our first 9 months- we trusted). Let go from all entitlements and shift to radical humility. Stay humble." Wayne Dyer

"If you want to escape the cage you must die while you are alive" -Lao Tzu

"Even after all this time. The sun never says to the earth ' you owe me'. Look what happens with a love like that, it lights up the whole sky". Hafez

"Hear and feel the echo even long after the source is gone." Shiva Rea

"Distorted self understanding, mistaken self identity, attachment, aversion and fear of death are the afflictions- the source of suffering." Yoga Sutra 2.3

"Find purpose by going strait into what scares you. Whatever brings you to the mat will be the place from where you will serve".Seane Corne

"You must never give yourself a chance to fall apart because when you do it becomes a tendency and you do it over and over. Instead practice staying strong." - Richard from Texas, Eat Pray Love

"A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. The most important person you will ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. To live with them is too painful-They come into your life to reveal another layer of yourself to you and then they leave and you thank God for it." Richard from Texas, Eat Pray Love

"Stop using people to block the door of the Universe, of God."

"The real voyage is not in seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes." Marcel Proust

LLL,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com

( 3 Pics: This was my un-nurtured plant. (thing sticking up behind top image is my bamboo, NOT this plant!) He was thirsty and I neglected him, for a SHORT period of time, but I neglected him none the less. So I watered him... and then I danced...yep, "Sahaja Sanieh"~I just moved randomly and spontaneously while listening to soul moving music in between sitting at my desk here getting some work done and writing this blog entry. Then I turned around about an hour later, literally.. and there he was, already perking up RESPONDING to the nurturing and love. See what happens when we put energy into that which we want to live?)

So I've had my head seriously up my arse for the last week or so and I just need to publically state that the intentional surgery of it's removal has taken place.

I'm GOING TO INDIA in LESS than 2 weeks... I don't have TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME to be having my head up my arse over... (she pauses to state the obvious) ANYTHING!

I've been rockin' out to Nickleback in my car lately, one song in particular: "If today was your last day". That song is ALL yoga, I'm telling you! I'm going to learn it on my guitar soon too :D Perhaps an acoustic version is on its way :)

I do believe that the difficult work in breaking some old habitual patterns of thought and emotions are slowly paying off. It does take time, lots of EFFORT and even a lot of pain along the way; as does the recreation of anything. In these areas of my life, I have been consciously telling myself that I have a choice to strengthen the muscle that I've spent years developing that has not served me in quite some time, or I can start to form a new habit in strengthening a new muscle of behavior and uplift and enhance a way of being. I'm not going to lie, it has not been easy...but isn't a temporary pain or discomfort in the now, KNOWING you are doing the work, FAR better than the ONGOING pain and discomfort of going a lifetime through the days doing the same ol' shit that hasn't served you for however many years you've been reinforcing it?

I'm finding peace with learning how to manage my energy output but that hasn't been an easy ride either. "What's worth the price is worth the fight" (Nickleback song:). It's what I do, I give. I'm a nurturer. I "give" for a living and I give in my personal life in all areas... sometimes though, that art is in learning how to distribute that giving. What I'm learning is that sometimes, it's OK, NOT to give all you are capable of giving until it's time appropriate, been earned, or is a balanced offering. I tend to want to dump it all out in what might seem like a divine puckage from the heart, but that's not necessarily best...for anyone. It's like data overload!

In my teaching sadhana for example, I cannot tell you how many days I leave that space so very grateful for what has been exchanged. They don't even know... YOU, you reading this, you don't EVEN know what you give to me. Every time, I am transformed. My life gives me opportunities, crazy daily opportunities to break it all down and start anew... that's pretty astonishing when I think about it!

So I'm finding balance. Balance of energies in my heart space. I'm a born expressive through and through, so my work is set out for me but let me stand loud and stand proud saying that it is paying off. Finding balance in not wanting to suppress what's natural, thus is the middle path which is always a dance. It's very much a personality and core quality (for better or worse) of mine, yet I'm softening to the fact that just because "that's who I am" (we abuse that phrase in ways that so completely lower the potential vibrations of who we could become it's not even funny...), doesn't mean that "who I am" isn't because that's what's been reinforced over and over and over and over and over and over... and better yet, it doesn't mean that "who I am" couldn't or shouldn't grow into the pure potential of what I am meant to become... even if that means checking myself, getting down and dirty into the nitty gritty of things and asking the tough questions... "who and what do I want and choose to become", then doing whatever it takes to meet that full potential. Sometimes we create our own adversity.

In comparing our recent experiences on the spiritual path of living yoga, my sweet teacher friend who teaches at Yoga Vida, and Goddess of Lululemon, Sara S., said to me last week of herself, "I'm willing to change everything". Sometimes, that's just what needs to be done to escape the wrath of suffering caused by patters and habits of being... but so worth it.

In Peace,
Sanieh
http://www.saniehyoga.com/

ps- I just sent out my Feb. newletter last week. If you wish to get on the newsletter to find out about my travel teaching schedule,whats ahead that is not posted on my website and latest happenings, random tidbits, new and innovative yoga stuff I find etc. email me at sanieh@saniehyoga.com

Also check out http://saniehyoga.com/classes.htm to see what workshops and happenings are currently scheduled and on their way :)

The time is 2:02 am and all lights are on, packing is almost complete (only recently got started) and my ipod is crankin'. I'll be sucking wind come my 8am class I'm sure...or maybe not!

I've got a super-sized suitcase that I can fold myself in half and fit inside of with room to spare...it's pretty spacious but I'd rather have too much room than not enough. I believe my flight out of Austin is at noon where I will take flight to JFK then fly straight to Mumbai from there over some ungodly amount of hours-actually its 14-16 (difference going vs coming) hours which is about 10 less than I initially thought... but I have a plan to keep myself awake for the first half of the flight (to get myself set for time change) and it involves cleansing, cleaning, purifying, goal and intention setting and stating my evolutionary claim for what "32" will represent to me. I do believe I'm feeling pretty excited at this point :)

I just found out that there are 5 of us assisting and a full group so it should be fun. One gal has been on the journey with me pretty much since the start of my time working through the intense process and journey with Shiva... and here we are assisting the retreat and teacher training in India :) I'm considering doing a teacher training myself (won't be until 2010 since I will need to create it) so I always love being in the "middle seat" of observation.

Because I love auspicious beginnings, I've been thinking about purification of the different layers of the body recently. I remember reading in Eat, Pray, Love where Elizabeth sat on the roof top admitting all of the things in her life that she struggled with etc... over the course of several hours, she dedicated herself to putting it all out there until she had nothing else to say. What I've realized is that the the Psycho-Emotional Body (what we refer to in Ayurveda and Yoga as Manomaya Kosha) potentially carries so much crap that attaches itself to our cellular memory over years of conditioning, causing harm and chaos to our emotional body that the process of purification has to take place at some point, and can be most beneficial, liberating, and healing on many levels.

I love auspicious beginnings. With Spring on the horizon the time for taking inventory and cleaning out the gutters in preparation for new seeds of growth is now. The potential of my plans for 2009 is power packed and I so fully understand that one must let go of the old to welcome the new.

I've also been confronting some aspects of fear and anxieties (from subtle and silly working my way to larger than life. With this, I'm considering aspects of my deepest desires, goals, and dharmic path.. aspects that I haven't said specifically out loud, due to fear of not being able to meet said expectation and standard in the way that stating out loud would make me accountable to. India-my journey there is about so much more than the yoga that some might think of. This really is a way of life for me. Yes I show up to my mat of course but "Sadhana" is about living and embodying yoga in such a way that ones daily "practice" is a force that sustains when nothing else can, when nothing else seems certain. I love self study and I love that my life and my livelihood surrounds and supports this process.

So this is a little glimpse into what INDIA represents to/for me. I don't know what *I* or anything will look like on the other side of this pilgrimage, but I know that everything happens in it's own time and that I am ready to renew myself in every way so that I can be certain that when I exhale my last breath, whenever that may be, there will be no more music left inside to sing.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Williamson

Love,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com