(Unable to post pics at this time)
   

***FRIDAY FEBRUARY  27, 2009 (I think) SOMEWHERE Near HEAVEN***

It's about 230am Austin time and I'm in flight to Mumbai right now. I was going to try to stay awake until about 430am which would get me more in sync with India time (which is 10.5 hours later than Austin).

I've had plenty of time to go inward and decompress and to do so alone, partly because my friend who was meeting me at JFK flying the long haul alongside me missed the connecting flight. I've realized that there isn't a person, place, or thing that I have spent my energy on over the last week that has been worth taking me out of the teacher of the moment. I have allowed my thinking mind and outside circumstances to pull me out of being a true student of the flow. There isn't a thing on planet that is worth taking me away from myself, even for a glimpse of time.

When I consciously put my attention on those things that have gotten free rent in my mind, I find myself sitting with equanimity, indifferent to them in a way that I almost forgot was possible. Now I sit here without pulling them in closer but equally important, without the need to push them away.

Before departing New York, someone reminded me from his own experience, "enter her slowly, India that is". He also reminded me that I should rest in my heart knowing that this pilgrimage is taking place for the single reason that only now, that I'm ready to receive her.

Reclined in this seat while a full flight sleeps around me, I feel peaceful and calm, and prepared to step into this experience and let it unfold as it will without the manipulation of my desire to know, to understand, or to try to figure out that which isn't and can never be obvious. Sometimes, the lesson is in knowing when to stop.

On flight, I've made friends with an Indian computer programmer who has spent the last 18 months away from his Mumbai home on assignment in the US. He was very impressed with my knowledge on the people of India's love for the Source through different names telling me "you are more Indian than most" as I shared some hindi prayers and mantras I know intimately and showed him my transliteration of the Hanuman Chalisa (...that I am so behind on!).

My new friend shared with me traditional stories of the mythology of Ganesha who was born from the dust on Parvati's (Shiva's consort) skin along with her prayers; and he also shared with me the significant of praying to Ganesha everyday as each new day is a new endeavor; that it's not necessarily about new projects etc. Each DAY is a new day filled with obstacles of its own and that we are never without need of divine love and guidance in whatever form or name we choose to call out to.

The time is now after 3am Austin time. I don't have much "rasa" left on my computer battery so I should power down before I'm forced to do so without saving my thoughts. Once I arrive to Mumbai, I've learned that I might actually have to take a taxi to another airport but that's undetermined at the moment and I won't know until after arrival. I have 7 hours though so I'm not at all concerned... well, besides the fact that Tilak said he'd "stay the F&#% inside the airport" of course ;)

***SUNDAY MARCH 1^st INDIA TIME- Arrival to the state of Kerala and it's capital, Thiruvananthapuram***

I could stop right now and go back to Austin having taken so much from the people of India. I've met 3 people on my path here that have shared themselves with me but Mattson left me with a lot to chew on.

Born into a very strict Christian family, he's been an officer in the India military for most of his life. I was sitting next to him out of Mumbai to the beautiful Thiruvananthapuram. We stopped in Kochi but stayed on flight when he noticed the Sanskrit on my wrist and asked if I had been here before. I've been asked that by people and all I can say about it is that India has been in my heart for a very long time, only now, It's all starting to come together and make more sense. When I explained to him the tattoo and its meaning for me and reminder in my life, something opened up in this man.

It wasn't until his time working with his soldiers where he started to learn about the majority beliefs of the people of his homeland. He loves his land and the people who fill it and his beliefs have since expanded. In a long conversation about the beauty of Kerala, I learned that it's the only state in India that doesn't fight over religion (in Kerala there are mosques, churches, temples all next door to one another and the state is filled with 20% Christian, 20% Muslim and 60% Hindu - not so much Buddhism in Kerala), "they fight about land, and politics; important things, but not religion here."

Let me tell you, flying in to Thivandrum (short) is the most beautiful site I've seen.

Mattson and I shared our personal beliefs of not feeling the need to confine ourselves to a box. I expressed that spirituality to me means being open to source in whatever way it might reveal itself to or through you (you should see my alters!). There is so much fighting in our world over personal beliefs and the names of God(dess), it saddens me. Shortly before we landed into the city that is covered in a canopy of coconut trees (I've NEVER seen anything like, and I use to live in Hawaii!) he said something very powerful to me.

"All you have are your beliefs. No body can take that away from you".

Then he wrote down the name of a book for me to find while I'm in India.

So now I sit here, early in the morning on Monday. I think I'm just now starting to feel like I am actually here. I can't believe it. I think I slipped into a coma last night, I needed the rest.

We came together last night in a traditional Indian opening ceremony that was led in part by Shiva Kamar who is an Indian Priest I met while in Venice Beach last summer. He lives in in LA and in India. He will also be offering a traditional Ganesha and Lakshmi puju and more during my stay. Last time he did a ceremony when I was in Venice Beach, he had us all in tears. This is something I can't even really talk about because it's so completely experiential.

I had my first traditional Ayurvedic massage yesterday. I walked into the room and the sweet and tiny gal (the women of India are incredibly stunning and graceful) said "take off your clothes".

OKAY then... VERY different than what we might even find in the way of Ayurvedic massage in the US. I started out sitting on a stool (buck naked) where she prepared the healing "ayurvedic medicine" on the warmer and offered prayers eventually massaging the oil from the crown of my head, souls of my feet and everywhere in between. Through this process, one has to let go completely. Your body is viewed (without judgment) from every possible angel and you've got someone's hands and feet doing the work literally from head to toe. I ended up back on the stool and eventually on the table but honestly, I don't remember much after getting up off the floor where the majority of the work is done as they use their feet while holding on to a rope tied to the rafter to support themselves. There were a few points where I drifted off into a much deeper state and I'd open my eyes to her sweet face and voice telling me "rest, just rest"...

We were all walking around lubed up with oil in our hair and completely disoriented as the "Ayurvedic rejuvenation" portion had begun for most of us as we settle into the jetlag experience. This whole explporation is about connecting to a peaceful tala or rhythm; one that allows you to connect to something deeper.

As we passed the baby coconut around our mala last night, we were asked to consider not what we are letting go of, but what will emerge from in this incredible place that is Kerala. "Just like the experience of walking into traditional Ayurvedic massage, you must allow yourself the freedom to go completely naked, raw, and allow yourself to be fully exposed from every angle". Shiva shared with us that this is perhaps one of the most grounding places on Earth, that we should encourage the natural flow of turning off the sense faculties that we are so use to over using and to start to move towards the innermost states of being. Already, I know what she meant by this. I'm so tired of thinking...

While I am assisting the sadhana practice this morning, I got some time with Shiva last night. I will have a lot of time to practice, and explore some hammock yoga and not have to live by a watch as she's encouraged. Today I plan to go off by myself into town to the markets and to see the tailors as well. I am most excited about a visit to the Shiva temple that is next to where I'm staying.

Excited as I am, I'm so NOT in my head right now (this is good) that it's hard for to me to type, think, or express excitement. I feel rested. I feel very blessed. I feel that I could live here or at least stay for an extremely long extended period. I feel that I'm in the right place at the right time. I feel momentum brewing of something washing over me that I can see when I look into the mirror, and can feel in the spaciousness in and of my heart.

***WEDNESAY MARCH 4th 2009^***

I love the outdoor shala where yoga asana takes place. Overlooking a cliff at the Ocean, watching Indian life in the breeze with the music of the symphony of birds and whistling of the wind. Nature is always a very close connection of Oneness for me...

Yesterday I went off on my own into town to check out some of the little shops. Here in India, you take off your shoes before entering into any space, be it a business, a reception area or a home. The beauty (in part) was that in almost every single shop I walked into, the lights were out and many of workers were napping on the floor. I would walk in and sometimes they would hear me and pop right up and other times it took them a little longer, but every time I would tell them that it's okay and to return to their nap; that I would let them know if I needed them.

Always so quick to help (and sell pasmina shawls), I am settling in to Indian life and Kerala's relaxed pace. It's so very different from the US in that every one of them always ask me what my name is and invite me to sit and are so beautifully open to conversation. One shop I went into, I walked right into their prayer time (the owners were Muslim, which means they pray five times a day, where ever they are). Gouse (meaning "pure from heart") and  Shamime ("beautiful" both in Arabic ) live in Northern India and also here in Kerala. Their shop is open here 10 months out of the year and they close up and head north during the rainy season in June/July.

I purchased a beautiful silk tunic he made and needed to get the side slits stitched up a bit so he had Gouse run next door to take care of it for me while we spoke of what "God" means to us as a unified ONE and exchanged stories of beliefs, love, and how terrorism in the name of "God" contradicts itself. Samime's brother lives in Palm Springs where he opened up a shop of handmade jewelry a few years back. So Samime applied for a Visa to go visit his brother in the states and was denied. I'm told that being Muslim has made it difficult for him to get the stamp. I encourage Samime to reapply and to tell the consulate that his trip is for tourism to make it easy.

While I do not know much about the Muslim faith, I do know that there are radicals in every "religion". After September 11 happened, my father was nearly killed and continued to have troubles because people thought he was Muslim. He isn't Muslim, he's Baha'i, but it shouldn't matter even if he was. My heart shined from the kindness of strangers welcoming me in to their lives, taking the time to get to know me by name and inviting me to come back for more (and for some fantastic India tea I will be recreating once I return home).

Another interesting part to being in India is that they trust completely. I have some things from 3 different stores who have given me the items I wanted to purchase telling me to come back later to pay for them (for various insignificant reasons that had nothing to do with my ability to pay for them). We don't see this in the US, perhaps rightfully so. Sadly, trust isn't valued as much as it seems to be here. 

Well it's about 530 am and I am about to go to Amma-ji's ashram In Vallikaavu/Kollam as she's giving darshan today. I'm beside myself about this! If you don't know who Amma is, just type her name into Google, she is the Mother Teresa of our time. More soon...

***SUNDAY MARCH  8, 2009 (IN REFLECTION of WEDNESDAY March 4^th)***

The last few days have been a ride of emotion from chill, to intense, to feeling the Mother or that MA Shakti as we call it, tri-fold, to fun.

Wednesday early morning we headed about 3 hours north to make our way to the temple of Amma-ji as she was giving darshan  and blessings that day.  Of course this is India, so anything can change at any time and in the state of Kerala, they are on "relaxed people's" time. J

All of the assistants (accept Meghan who went on the bus with the rest of the group) headed down in smaller car so we would have another just in case. This was the first point where I really started to see the real living India (... she would later provide me with many more opportunities, but more on that later) including a real live Ganesha (elephant) walking the streets without anyone being phased. We were all ecstatic and had our driver speed up ahead and pull over as we individually hopped out to get a photo as this incredible and graceful being continued forth. We went through this process twice actually to fulfill our fix. All I could do was lose myself gazing at the foot of the elephant; (enormous!) somebody remind me to share Shiva's words about this later.

I need to preface this next story with my teacher preparing me for the experience the day before as we moved into a very self loving practice. She brought tears to my eyes as spoke of Amma never stopping to take a sip of water or to eat anything and that she chants in your ear "my daughter my daughter my daughter" or "oh my son my son my son".

I have known of Amma for years and although she recently came through Dallas, I never went...yet here I am in her home temple, in India; Incredible.

So we get there and this place is packed. There are so many people running around between those who live there at the temple, those visiting and the fact that it's darshan on Wednesdays which is a very big deal. Although not often, she travels the world for this very reason, but when she's home, it's every Wednesday (although I've been warned that it's India, things can very well change without notice-such is life). We all immediately zoom over to the mala stand so that we could have a mala for Amma-ji to bless for us. So I do my thing there, which was overwhelming due to the variety and sense of urgency to get inside the temple, but finally, I made my way inside.

Similar to a "church" setting yet completely different (Note: Cameras are never allowed inside any temples in India-outside are OK sometimes, but never ever inside), this place was full of chanting, people, and at the very front, all you see are a swarm of devotees and once in a while, you got a peak of this living saint.

I was upstairs looking down and just sat down leaning up against the railing. I was so moved watching that I was almost in a trance. The ebb and flow of people squeezing in to get near her and then they would back away to shuffle around making room for others; it was like watching a litter of babies moving in to receive the milk of the Great Mother.

Making my way through the order flow as Amma's helpers guide us through, I think this part of the process was about an hour. Finally I'm in the side room right where one walks up to receive darshan and there is orderly chaos if that's even possible. They pull me into the line, have me set my bag down and I wait. I feel the swell arising within me; I've wanted to be cradled by Divine Mother energy ever since I lost my own, and I realize that I'm scared, excited and fearful for so many reasons. When I get closer, I hand off a few items to be blessed and I hold my mala as I was instructed to do, so that Amma can bless me with it. For a moment I was thrown off as one of the helpers repeatedly ask and seemingly question where I got the mala as I try to answer while I'm standing just feet in front of Amma-ji; my friend Mike chimes in to "save" me, but still I'm bothered by this and already feeling the emotion arise. It's almost my turn; I kneel behind the small crowd and just watch...

All I hear is singing/chanting and another language (or a few) around me as we are being shuffled through. The tears start to come as I just want to make this connection to MA-the divine feminine. There I am with my mala when she looks at me, takes the mala and puts it around my neck and pulls me in and holds my head to her breast as she squeezed me closely holding the back of my head with her other arm around my body. I remember my right hand wrapped around her pressing into her side as she kept repeating something very close into my ear; and I remember being more present there than I've ever been anywhere not knowing if ever again in my life, I would be given this opportunity in this same circumstance. I remember very clearly, closing my eyes, exhaling for a few breaths and when she let go, I brought my hands to my head in mudra in front of her.

I made my way around, got my other items that she blessed and sat next to Jamie who could just see it in my eyes, I needed to gather myself for a second and take it in.

While I have no idea what she was saying to me, I didn't need to know. Shiva said that somehow, Amma knows our language but I'm certain it wasn't English she was speaking to me. A few others said it was clear that she was saying "my daughter my daughter my daughter", and even Mike said that she said the same to him (not "son"). Perhaps that's the point in all of this, love is not gender or region specific. The language and sex doesn't matter when it comes to the divine love; True union. I later saw images and heard stories of people coming to Amma when she began on this path around 16 years old.... Old men and woman would come to her at such a young age and call her "mother".

So we head back a few hours later and I can't even tell you what I'm feeling. The ride back was heavy in a way for me. Mike asks me if I found the blessing or peace or something that I wanted or something like that and I just turn my head away as though his not *seeing* my tears meant I was somehow stronger. Many things come to my mind and I'm just overwhelmed and trying to sort it all out.

I'm next to Gabby on the way back who is my sweet sister from Switzerland who just moved to Bali. We connected immediately and it was full of this insane sister love, that I just cannot get enough of. About 30 minutes later after she wakes up, she pulls me into her and rests my head on her shoulder. The MA energy is all around me, tugging at my heart and lovingly forcing me to look within at my own life. Amma's love seems to be shining, coming through us all...

We made it back about an hour later than anticipated; it's been a 12 hour day at this point. I made my way down to the outdoor alter to practice thinking because of the time, our formal practice is off, so I let the group know that there might be a change just in case. To my surprise and delight, Shiva shows up and takes us into the sweetest journey honoring our innate and divine love after a day full of the good stuff.

In the end, I'm on my back preparing for back bending cycles, the ultimate heart opener. I was so deeply in my breath, calmly, with heart wide open. After my final opening I bring it down and just pause in the softening and surrendering of my exhale when I hear Shiva's voice as her hands stroke my head. I'm not exactly sure of what she's telling me but it something along the lines of "I'm so proud of you" and something about "today"; I don't need to know though because it's all love in her touch, voice, and sincerity.

I bring my hand to my heart in gratitude and then the entire day's build up lets go right there as I feel my face start to harden as I try to hold back my tears.

"Ohh let it go, let it go" she whispers so I gasp for a deep breath.

"Yesss, there you go, let it goo" as I exhale and my face softens again with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I'll hold that moment as the sweetest, most loving moment my teacher has ever gifted me with.

The day through India's eyes had taught me that even on her nurturing and loving soil, even after being blessed by an all loving living saint, completion and connection to the Source can truly only be fulfilled by seeing this all loving nature within ourselves. In my desperation to escape the drowning feelings of separation that brings on a whole world of hurt and insecurities, India's motherly love showed me quite clearly my shadow side and how nothing or nobody can ever be good enough when we don't see God(dess); the MA Shakti, as who we are in and of ourselves.

MONDAY MARCH 9, 2009

On Saturday we drove down to Suchindram, the most southern tip of India, to go see the Gandhi memorial, another Shiva temple, and the incredible site of the several story high Hanuman statue where it's believed that Sri Hanuman leaped across the ocean over to Sri Lanka to rescue Sita and return her to her beloved and Hanuman's object of devotion, Ram.  I also had the chance to explore a few Indian markets which was quite amazing and interesting. Something that I've loved so much here is that people love to just smile and wave and ask me what my name is etc. I have taken some amazing photos (If I don't say so myself ;) of India life and of some children as well. The Indian people are fascinated with the digital camera and seeing the photos of themselves.

We were on the ferry the other day going between the temples in Suchindram when I heard this sweet voice say "um excuse me" (of course it doesn't sound the same as I have written it). I turned around to this man staring at me smiling as he simply said "hi" and waves in hand in front of my face. Yes, this happens all the time here. They get your attention simply to say hello! He and his friends were asking me a lot of questions then they started taking pictures with me, lol, with their cameras. Cute J The older gentleman in front of them saw the Sanskrit (which looks very similar to both Hindi and Pali) on my wrist and for some reason said in his very minimal English "You know Hare Krishna?" So I started chanting/singing the Maha mantra as I danced in my seat... and he smiled and started to dance and chant along!

I love this place.

I've got sadhana in about 45 minutes and a beach yoga trance dance tonight, then tomorrow I will be helping Shiva Kamar (Hindu priest) create the yantra for our closing Lakshmi puja ceremony. I can't believe I'm leaving Wednesday night.

Last night I was given sacred private time with my teacher where she opened up and revealed some very personal and intimate details about herself, her life, and her living yoga asadhana. She was most helpful and encouraging, reminding me that I'm on this path, doing everything right in that my questioning some of what I feel being completely natural, while challenging me to bring certain things into the light.

She was telling me that she could see how my heart was pierced open the day we went to Amma's and that it *is* possible to always move from that place in my heart of pure love. Our birthdays are 10 years and a day apart, both Pisces, so I shared with her that I am most definitely, and have always been a "Svadhishthana gal", moving from the seat of outpouring and powerful femininity, creativity, passion, sensuality, sexuality, passion and emotion. Everything that I do begins and ends from this place, always has. She reminded me of what's most important in living my yoga and reassured me that so long as I don't settle, all that is real will come.

I'm grateful for her guidance but also for her encouragement in setting me free while supporting, encouraging, believing in and understanding me.

There are so many details to this experience that I could never convey in the written or spoken word. There are so many friends I've made with the locals, a marriage proposal or two (still laughing), and moments of complete clarity to questions I've been asking myself for so long. India has been revealing but most of all (***in addition to the ending of Sunday March 8 entry***), what's been brought to light is this:

  

Peace in your soul cannot be found in India. Connection on any level cannot be found in an external temple of any kind. Pure love and darshan, even from a living saint's embrace, will not sustain or guide you home if the same love that exists within you is locked up or undiscovered. What I have found is that when alignment to this vibration is absent, the heart suffers and everything that is ego (suffering, sadness, insecurity, powerlessness etc) is brought to the table.

There is another temple to explore though, the Maha temple, within my heart; and it is through awakening to *this* puja that I'm awakening to a heightened awareness.

We are preparing for the full moon closing which is on Wednesday, by a beach side yoga trance dance tonight and a closing Lakshmi ceremony puja tomorrow with Hindu priest, Shiva Kamar.

So much more I could share and perhaps I will after my return, but I'm going to enjoy the rest of my time here. So much just needs to sit in my heart for now.

All love,

Sanieh

www.saniehyoga.com

(continued...if you are reading this entry and didn't read the previous one, although long, it will make most sense if you start from there)

"We can sit in a temple or a cave in India and get so holy, so clear and radiant, the light is pouring out of us. But when we come out of that cave, our old habit patterns tend to reappear, and we come back into the same old games, the games we were sure we had finished with. Because there were uncooked seeds, seeds of desires that sprout again the minute they are stimulated". Ram Dass

TUESDAY March 10, 2009

The yoga trace dance was incredible. There was a fire alter set up on the beach that we danced around and another ring surrounding us made up of the locals. Some of the children joined in the dancing celebration as well.

This whole experience has been about coming face to face with and honoring the divine feminine within us *all*. The part of where whose voice says "this is right for me, regardless of all else external; this is *my* path and I'm bowing to it in celebration".

It's also the voice that sits on our shoulder chanting "Are you kidding me?" when we step outside of our truth, our realistic living yoga path based on the circumstances of our daily flow or try to be something we are not. I fully understand without doubt that it's the voice that reminds me where home really is. She's there, she's always been there and I've always heard her. What I haven't always done is honor her wisdom and live in a way that keeps me aligned with recognizing her voice and all knowing.

I won't soon forget why I love the people of India so; their hearts are so very pure. I will look for that aspect and potential in everyone when I arrive back to the US. I look forward to the re-entry process, a long warm bath, massage, pedicure, fresh kale and sushi (and a fine glass of wine J... maybe not all in that order. I also look forward to a run on Town Lake.

What's certain is that I will be starting another full spectrum 30 day sadhana a few weeks after my return on March 26^th - the New Moon. I offer guidance in this via my Transmission Yoga Program if you are feeling as though dissolution and recreation is emerging (or needs emerging) in your life as well and want to bow to your own inner temple. If so, and if you are willing to fully commit to the process, feel free to email me for those details.

While I should be back home early evening Thursday March 13^th and will return to my teaching schedule on Tuesday March 17^th, I'll be in hiding for the weekend. Upon my return, before diving into the mountain of work I will need to tend to, I plan to adjust in my living space to reflect the shifts within along with the internal and maternal (we are all birthing *something*) inspiration Mother India's heart beat has gracefully handed over for me to carry on my path.

WED./THURSDAY MARCH 11/12^th 2009

I have no idea which day it is what time zone I'm in or what time it is. All I know is that I have departed India from Mumbai and am in flight to JFK. I've been told there's still about 7 hours to go before my 8am New York arrival.

The closing Lakshmi puja/ceremony was beautiful. The assistants spent the afternoon, along with Shivakamar (CORRECTION: It's not "Shiva Kamar", it's "Shivakamar"- meaning "son of Shiva". There was Shivakamar the Hindu Priest and Shivakamar the musician and then Shiva (Rea), my teacher- quite confusing, I know!), in the Indian heat creating a yantra made of turmeric, rice flours, and other spices to create a huge yantra for the evening offering.

Wednesday morning was a dedicational practice that included a traditional lotus offering where everyone peeled back the layers of a budding lotus flower and made our offering to the ocean alter. When you look at the bud of a lotus, it's not the most impressive looking thing you ever saw, but when it's opened, it's magnificent. We all know that the lotus lives, loves, grows, and emerges from the muddy waters. This tradition was a moving reminder that when we look into the mirror, underneath what's visual, even when we don't *feel* like a lotus emerging from whatever it is that life brings to us from time to time, this extraordinary aspect of ourselves is always there.

In reflection- these are some of the traditional Indian ceremonies I was a part of:

*A visit to the Shiva temple where I made my first of many coconut offerings to Ganesha

*A Genesha puja ceremony- more coconut offerings only this time to the fire for prayers

*A visit to another Shiva temple, (much larger-almost got lost) in southern India- and so beautiful it was

*A visit to a Ganesha temple before kalari visit to make another coconut offering on my own (Ganesha likes coconuts- in traditional Ganesha offering, you take as many coconuts as you like and throw them as hard as you can at the wall of this pit to break the coconut. That's your puja. It's also note worthy to share that no matter what kind of temple you are in, Ganesha is always present)

*Visit to Ammaji's Ashram
*Lakshmi puja ceremony

*A visit to the incredible Vivekananda, Hanuman, and Gandhi monuments in south India

There was also a HUGE SHAKTI festival in Thiruvananthapuram on Wednesday where women from all over India attend to light a fire from the Shakti source. The city was completely packed for the festival and while I didn't go due to the days early start, I am shakti-fied and shakti-filled J

I am already thinking about my next visit to India, two actually. Because my adventures were in Southern India, I am planning a pilgrimage to Northern India. I had a few opportunities to travel with people afterwards, but being the responsible soul I am, needing to get back to life and obligations in Austin, I decided I'd save myself for a separate Northern India trip on my own later on. I actually feel quite comfortable navigating around India and finding what I need. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm quite geographically challenged, but I felt pretty comfortable this way in India.

The other visit includes a retreat that I am considering hosting in 2010. I would be curious to hear back from my student-friends on who would be interested in that.

Ok, I think the "Kerala mind" is wearing off and the American mind if kicking in. In Kerala, time stops as does the thinking process. It's a beautiful thing really. My work now, is to keep an internal pace that remains centered and calm remembering my Maha temple that I mentioned before.

THURSDAY MARCH 12-10am ish JFK pending departure to AUSTIN

The moment I turned on my blackberry I received over 100 emails! EEEK! The good news of the day so far (although completely unrelated J is that I have successfully booked in for 2 massages this weekend-one Friday and one Saturday.

There were so many incredible unspeakable moments during my stay in India, I cannot even express. I will share this: Some things have been awakened within my heart and inner knower. I have admitted where I have suppressed some of my most cherished and well protected inspirations for living this life. It's time to set myself free and live the authentic life outwardly and out loud. Someone once told me of a quote that said,

"Set yourself on fire and they will come to watch you burn"... be ready for it people...

If I was searching for anything on this exploration, it was a search for constant, consistent, and depth in connection to my source. I started to get it the day before the Amma experience, and for certain in what I was realizing that day on the way back, and in the evening practice that was a part of the thread that had been created. Really, I remember a practice I went through right before leaving for India that plays a role as well. See, I know some of this isn't making sense... it's just not possible to put this experience into words right now; possibly ever.

FRIDAY MARCH 13, 2009

Somehow I'm home and it seems that I'm already adjusted to the time (only at the cost of dragging arse mid day yesterday trying to stay awake). My bed and modal sheets have never felt better. I slept so well last night- after initially falling asleep in my bathtub. My tailbone is in pain for some reason and the only thing I can determine is because of the flight which was over 16 hours, with about a 5 hour pause at JFK then another 4.5. I didn't have the problem going and I didn't even feel it until I got on the flight at JFK to head home, but it's painful to the touch and also when I shift weight on it as in getting up or something. I'm planning to take it easy this weekend to honor the shifts and reintegration anyway so hopefully that will do the trick.

I've got piles of "clean" clothes all over my floor right now as it turns out that I've got to "wash the India" off of them too! My kitchen counter looks like some sort of Indian head shop with a slew of things, some familiar looking and some very foreign that I'm trying to sort through. My home has many interesting smells as though India has been brought to my lap! Working on that...

Today, I'm without any sense of urgency at all or any kind irrational or neurotic thoughts whispering in the back of my mind. I'm feeling pretty calm and well balanced and if I'm meditating on anything, it's keeping my eye and ears on the droning of my heart space.  

I've got a massage at noon and desperately need to go get some groceries. I've been dying some for my favorite teas (*she says starring at the empty mug in front of her*) and I've welcomed to cold and potentially rainy weather after being in such a tropical, thick and dense weather environment for so long.

  

Time to get caught up and get some private lessons scheduled in between my travels and busy schedule over the next few months. I've got a lot of offerings coming up:

*Friday March 20- teaching part of Dharma Yoga teacher training

*Friday March 27- YOGA TRANCE DANCE at YY 360- it's gonna be freh! A portion of the proceeds will be benefiting the SIMS foundation-this is one of the last 2 that have been scheduled for the year-it WILL max capacity so pre-reg now!

*Friday April 3- Sunday April 5- I'm teaching a weekend workshop at the beautiful Yoga Source in Nashville, TN
http://www.yogasource.info/AE/SaniehWorkshop2009.php

*Saturday April 11- I'm teaching a FREE and very special event at Lululemon San Antonio (details are not yet posted on their website but it will be late morning... please check back for details)

*Saturday April 18- A workshop at Pure Austin Town Lake (hips and hamstrings, my friends!) 330-530 pm - pre registration is open

*Sunday May 3- I'll be teaching a special 3 hour workshop at Yoga in Motion in San Antonio. Details not yet posted but will be very soon. I believe we can only fit 35 people so pre-registration is highly recommended.

http://yogainmotionsa.com/

I am also ready to host a few workshops locally and am scouting location possibilities. One of them I'd like to do outside in nature- if anyone has a beautiful shady backyard and wouldn't mind hosting please let me know.

SATURDAY MARCH 14, 2009 -2am

I think my late afternoon nap into early evening threw me off. I feel a little tired, just not tired enough to sleep. If I can't make it back down I must make myself get up at a decent hour and stay awake to get myself back on track sleep wise.

Awesome massage today, another scheduled for tomorrow and I'm trying to get two more- one for Sunday and Monday (I need it)... hopefully space is open.

My home is a bloody mess at the moment but a work in progress. Still, I'm without any sense of urgency. Just laying super low, off of all radars this weekend and keeping it simple. I have a check at a few teaching locations waiting for me, but just needed space so I've decided to just wait and get them next week. I did have to break out my guitar and shruti box yesterday to "connect" and it felt wonderful after so long.

I'm going to attempt to post some pics now. If feels good to be home- just very interesting to immediately notice the cultural differences in behavior, manners, and ways of being. Their big bright smiles of sincere love and warmth stay in my heart as does their true and honest devotion that goes beyond all that they are seemingly without. Keeping centered, I'm cherishing the kindness and love that India revealed and reflected in so many ways.

"Those who are kind and loving to others have no need in wonder in search of God because God will come rushing to the heart that beats with compassion." - Amma-ji

Love,

Sanieh

www.saniehyoga.com

Get your Yoga Trance Dance ON!

It's ON! and it's gonna rock something FIERCE! So BE THERE!

This Friday night at Yoga Yoga 360 730-930pm

 Pre registration has been open for all events so to ensure your spot, you can call or go by any location to pre register... and get a discount. There is a max capacity to this event, when it's hit, that's it.

Give yourself some extra time in case of traffic, plenty of time for your last meal to digest, but have something ready because you will be starving when it's over!

Bring a towel and plenty of water, but come HYDRATED! and ready to liberate your soul and sweat!

I'm fresh back from India with new inspiration! This event and the next in May are the last two officially scheduled and on the books. Don't miss it!

A portion of the proceeds will benefit the SIMS Foundation in Austin Texas, support the mental health and well being of our precious local musicians who we love and support during SXSW and always.

lovelovelove,
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com

My voice is gone and I've got a cough (still feeling better than I had been feeling since Thursday  though) but everytime, your willingness to be present and to share yourself in such a way, make it better, even if only for the time you grace me with your love, light, and energy.  Yoga Trance Dancers, every last one of you... virgins and, well....the rest  ;)  ...

I bow to you now and always for your inspiration and courage shared through movement in the name of liberation, peace, love, remembering, and everything else.

With a new playlist, new kriyas, and without a mic for a portion (or without a voice to use said mic later on), we shared a sweaty, beautiful mess yet again. At one point, *I* was so in trance that I didn't even notice to "Screaming" of my headset that I had taken off and put on the stage until I opened my eyes to see Laura squeezing it inside her hand trying to silence it :) !

Just one more on the books officially and that's in May. If you'd like to see more to fulfill your addiction or if you have yet to make it to this very special event, I invite you blow up the contact page at www.yogayoga.com where there is a comment section at the bottom... put your requests and comments in there. Also, I'd LOVE for you to email me your insights through your experience... it's a different one each time...sanieh@saniehyoga.com

Thank you also for your contributions to the Austin area SIMS foundation supporting mental health and well being for our local musicians. Your offerings are priceless and saves lives..

Christina, we missed you :) I'm holding the space for you to "let your crazy out of the jar" whenever you can join us :X

JAI GANESHA!
Sanieh
www.saniehyoga.com